If you have been trying to find ways to connect with your step-children, believe me when I say that I know from experience how hard it can be sometimes to find common ground. I've spent the last five years learning how to communicate with my step-children and coming up with ways to bond with them. What type of relationship do you want to have with your step-son or step daughter? First, decide how much effort you want to put into the building phase of the relationship and then go from there. By the way, as you start out, make sure you are doing this because you want to, not just because you feel you have some obligation to the kids and your spouse.
My family is very busy and it is hard to find time to bond with my children and my step-children. I realized at one point that I had not been spending enough time with them, so I made a list of things I wanted to do and what I could sacrifice in order to have a better relationship with them. One of the first things was deciding to get up about half an hour earlier every day and cook breakfast for the kids. This way, I was able to make sure they were eating a nutritious meal to start their day, and more importantly it was time that I could spend talking to them about the upcoming day. My thirteen year old step-daughter hardly ever says five words to anyone in our family, due to her being too cool for us. But when I make her breakfast, she actually sits and talks with me about things she is learning in school and other social activities. I really treasure these times with her. The same for my nine year old step-son. He enjoys the morning breakfast time. I sit him up at our kitchen counter on a bar stool and pretend that we have a family diner. I say, "order up", when I serve him his breakfast. I noticed a big change in myself also. I was not as stressed out in the mornings because getting up earlier gave me more time to prepare for my day also.
One of the best things I have done is to be a coach for my stepson's football and baseball teams. My step-son has mentioned to me over a dozen times how much he likes having me be his coach. He said it makes him feel cool. It also gives us time together and more things to talk about. It has also opened up some doors for him to watch the different sports on television with me. These are a couple simple ideas that I have done, and only a few of the many that I have tried. My most important advice is to find something that is important to your step-child, and help them thrive in that activity.
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